A God Without Fear

He asked me if I was 'saved.' I answered with a question of my own, saved from what?

There is no one to be 'saved' from; we are all loved unconditionally. Religious ideologies have turned God into a bully, a tyrant. I realize I mention this elsewhere, but I need to repeat it here. I feel it cannot be said enough. 'Unconditional love cannot, does not and never has lived or existed in the same 'house' as fear and torment.' I realize some of what I share may sound a bit harsh or strongly worded. I'm very passionate about my story and I care so deeply for others.

After I was married off at fifteen years old, I started learning about a 'God' I did not recognize. This was also when I began to learn more about what was said in the Bible. My in-laws were very strict, devout Pentecostal Holiness. It was during this time that I began to hear the stories about the fear and torment spoken of in the Bible. Every religion I was around as a child was presented with a "do as I say, not as I do" and you better be afraid mentality, but Pentecostal Holiness was the worst. Baptists, Mormons and others had their own manners of installing fear, but none were as awful as these. Sadly, they were very proud of this idea as well. Judge not lest you be judged, but yet they were the most judgmental people I had ever met.

The worst damage I saw in those churches was their threats of hell fire and torment. There was nothing in the Bible that could possibly bring any balance to having to believe and live with that 'threat' held over your head. I cried so hard, so many times because I could not believe what I was hearing. I remember one particular day I had a cassette tape from a preacher my in-laws often listened to. I was driving around listening to this guy preach. It was absolutely horrible. He was speaking about a young woman in her 30's who was dying at a hospital. He said she was screaming that her feet were burning like they were on fire. He then screamed on the tape that the woman was "going to hell with her eyes wide open". I sobbed and sobbed. I had to pull over because I was crying so hard. My soul was ripping apart listening to this person who claimed the God we are 'supposed' to serve would do this. I remember going to my in-law's house to return their cassette tape. I was still so upset they could see it. I asked them if they really believed what was on the tape. They literally stuttered when they said, "well, yes, some of it." I didn't ask them anything else. At that point in time, I had no idea how to even talk with them about what I had listened to. In my heart of hearts, I knew what was said was not true. However, at that time, I had never been allowed to trust myself. I realized years later the young woman who died in the hospital had severe peripheral diabetic neuropathy. She was in a diabetic crisis that could not be overcome at that time to save her life. The most important thing, she was NOT being tormented by any type of 'God'. Sadly, that idea was trying to be used to draw people to an imaginary God in the Bible who does not exist.

There was one Pentecostal church we visited a time or two, but we did not keep going to that particular church. The preacher was another hardcore hellfire and damnation type. Some time later we ran into the preacher when we were out and about. I politely said hi. He mentioned we hadn't been back to the church. I was floored when he very seriously said, "What happened, did it get too hot for you?" It still hurts to think about those words. There is absolutely nothing loving about words such as those. I said nothing, I could only walk away in complete disbelief. I didn't have the maturity, nor the wisdom to even begin to try to process his words. His words stayed with me until one day I could understand just how horrific what he said was.

As I have been writing this, I've 'heard' those from my past saying, "No wait, that's not what they meant." When I would question others, I often heard excuse after excuse, or different interpretations, or just outright lies about what the Bible meant. I realize I also may mention this often; religion has caused more harm and damage to humanity than any other event in the history of this planet. Religion has been manipulated and used by men to try to control others and what is not understood.

This only scratches the surface of the emotional damage religion caused me through the years. I often cringe when I even hear the name, "God" because I often find myself mentally back in those times in the past that hurt so much. It was so difficult to realize I went through so many years of 'knowing' but not understanding where that wisdom came from. Instead of saying God, I'd rather use Great Spirit, our creator or even the powers that be in the heavens above.

It is often said that young people are turning away from religion because of drugs, alcohol, or even lifestyles that are around them. That is not the reason. People are turning away from religion because deep down inside of their own hearts, they know there is no truth in modern day religions. They see the hypocrisy, the hate filled religious speeches, the judgment and the complete lack of compassion in those who yell the loudest that "God" must be put back into everything.

He asked me if I was a Christian. I said “no”. He asked, “Why not?”

I said, "Because I actually care about every single person on this planet."

~ To Be Continued ~